sometimes i really miss alex. i miss the way he says certain words, the way he smells, the way he sighs. how he is and everything that he is.

but he's gone now like the way years of your life are gone. gone and not coming back.

and that's the saddest thing in the world, to me, that he's not coming back and he won't know me now or in five years or in fifty years and whoever i am he won't be part of it, he won't even SEE it. and i won't be part of who he is or watch him change and grow. he's been gone a year and already we're strangers to each other.

it just makes me so goddamn sad.